The Bird Garden

If real life was like a soap opera...

2007-08-29T21:49:00.000Z

...I'd have at least three secret siblings, two mothers, a murdering father-in-law and have slept with my girlfriends ex-boyfriends boyfriend. Twice. But it's not. So I haven't.

I haven't watched any soap operas for years. It was Home and Away when I was a young 'un, then Coronation Street and Emmerdale. Latterly just Emmerdale as Corrie slowly turned into a daily run of the dreadful Christmas pantomime version. Then Emmerdale became Dinglevision, as every bastard offspring and inbred arsewipe relative descended onto the Dales to irreparably damage the local tourist industry.

But the main reason I no longer watch them is because I don't have to. Thankfully the front halves of the weekly listings magazines are devoted to spoiling every formulaically scripted event of the coming seven days. Roy's man-wife Hayley has a secret son from before the testicle-chop? Wow, what a surprise that will be! Er no, not really. Not after reading a full page article detailing the exact chain of events that will lead her to discovering this secret and even showing a photo of her lost son to completely ruin any sense of suspense.

To be honest I'm not surprised. The level of sophistication of the plotting of these utterly farcical dramas is set so low for the vacuous people that watch it I'm surprised the production companies don't send round a personal story-shouter to the house of every dim-witted viewer, to sit next to them whilst the episode plays, bellowing the major plot points into their earholes in case they don't understand what's happening on the goggle box wot shows pics and stuff.

Anyway, got to go now. That local TV news helicopter is hovering distractingly low over my house again. Better get next door's wife in with me so that when it inevitably crashes through my roof in a contrived "event" we can be trapped in a small room and spend the next two episodes having a dramatic heart-to-heart in which we find out that we have had long-repressed feelings for each other after all. Then I die from boredom.

Pedestrian crossing wrongness

2007-04-05T20:46:00.000Z

There is a pedestrian crossing on the way into town that is the most useless pedestrian crossing I've ever seen.

The basic idea of such a crossing is to stop traffic to allow pedestrians to safely cross the road. This one doesn't. It waits until there is no traffic coming in either direction before changing the lights to red. Which kind of defeats the purpose...

Happy Holidays!

2006-12-25T18:25:00.000Z

However you celebrate this time of the year, have yourselves a good one and take care! :D

Camcorder crap

2006-10-10T18:40:00.000Z

Low-budget indie films are mostly rubbish and seem to revolve around the same themes: ridiculous horror (typically Vampires), poorly-choreographed action, relentlessly grim and unengaging social drama or laughably snarling gangster pics.
For god's sake why? Why are so many of them poorly shot, appallingly acted, cliched crap? Why not a low-budget romantic comedy, or serious drama or historical piece? Ah yes, that's because that would require someone able to write a decent script and a vague idea of how to direct a movie.
My bad :)

Karaoke newsagents

2006-09-30T20:11:00.000Z

Been into WH Smiths recently? What is it with the karaoke coming through the speakers?

I know shops have to pay now if they want to play original version of songs, but for goodness sake they could at least hire some decent session singers to cover them? At least ones who could actually hit the required notes and don't sound like they're trying to show off to their mates on SingStar?

I can't get out of the place fast enough now. Especially when the "Sugababes" come on...

Important question

2006-09-22T13:24:00.000Z

Kangaroos - do they get fluff in the corners?

AA = AAAAAAAARGH!

2006-09-03T14:52:00.000Z

Promise I won't bang on about TV ads after this, but another one that I
simply have to turn the TV off for is the AA "Call out my name" ad.

They have completely buggered up the ryhthm of the song, changing
when the lyrics come in, so that they can fit the chorus into the length
of the ad. It is utterly infuriating and it winds me up no end!

"... aaaand relax!"

2006-08-30T23:01:00.000Z

A couple of TV adverts are really annoying me at the moment. They are the Anadin "Get on with it" and Ibuleve "Get on with life" ads. Both are pain relief medications.

They are selling you the idea that whatever your symptoms of pain, you can take these to relieve the problem so you can get on with your normal routine.

Or maybe, instead, we should learn how to listen the messages our body sends us about what's wrong.

Instead of thinking: "Christ I've got a fucking bad headache and I've got to get this report done in an hour then prepare a meeting for this afternoon. I know, I'll pop this pill and my problems will be solved!"

We should perhaps think: "Christ I've got a fucking bad headache ... perhaps it's a result of too much stress at work, eye-strain from constant VDU use and the numerous cups of coffee I drink to try and force my sleep-deprived body through the day. Maybe I need to look at changing my lifestyle to improve my state of health instead of turning to medication to help me blunder through?"

Hey, it's a thought :)

What bonus?

2006-08-21T21:19:00.000Z

What is it with all these ridiculous offers from car insurance companies that will "protect" your no-claims bonus?

Surely it defeats the entire purpose of the bonus? It's meant to act as an added incentive for careful driving. No accidents (or at least claims) means your no-claims bonus goes up which, in return, helps reduce your premiums when renewing.

Surely having a scheme that attracts customers by protecting something that encourages safe driving is self-defeating? People will no longer strive to keep their no-claims bonus going since it's now "protected" whatever happens. This then renders the bonus redundant, and could even make some drivers less careful when driving.

All different sizes

2006-07-31T20:45:00.000Z

One thing that's been bugging me recently, as I shop for some suitable summer weather. I'm fairly small - 5'6" to be exact. And slim. So there is nothing I resent more than having to pay the same price for a Small size item of clothing as someone pays for the XXL size. Why? Mine uses almost half as much material (going by some of the cavernous extra large versions out there) so why on earth isn't the cost scaled with the size?

Basically smaller people are being right royally screwed - paying more per yard of clothing than anyone else! I think it's time we stood up and made ourselves noticed! If anyone can see us that is... ;)

Arty

2006-07-13T22:06:00.000Z

Finally prodded myself into starting some painting again. I've always like the feel of oils, but never really got into them much (work, other stuff, lazy etc.). Got myself a beginners painting book (to re-learn things like colour theory) and I've been doing fruit! Hopefully I'll never paint a still life ever, but fruit are good practice for shapes and colours without being too complex.

Still keeping up my pencil and charcoal drawing - have a peep at my art page online if you're interested in life drawing.

BTW: Definitely recommend ImagineFX magazine for any artists reading this - it's geared towards digital art, but there are some great general tips on there and, of course, loads of great art! :)

Really not caring, quite considerably.

2006-07-01T15:51:00.000Z

Anyone else agree football is shit?

Unself-employment

2006-06-28T19:06:00.000Z

Been looking into self-employment stuff recently. Seems there is a lot to know about - specifically related to VAT, Income Tax, NI and not to mention all the legal/mortgage implications of working from home.

Certainly good to know about it all, but I don't think it's something I'd do without careful consideration. And a good business plan of course :)

Lacking motivation

2006-06-19T22:10:00.000Z

Right, been really wanting to push myself to do more art - drawing and taking up painting again. But despite *really* wanting to do this I always end up hesitating or procrastinating or just filling time doing unproductive tasks instead.
Anybody know any good ways to self-motivate? I'm lacking something to give me a push...

Independant game design, programming & art blog

2006-06-18T09:21:00.000Z

Just FYI, I've got a second blog dedicated speficially to independant game design, programming, art, marketing and anything else useful for those pounding away at home on their very own next big thing.

You'll find it here and I will endeavour to update it as frequently as possible.

This will now be my "personal" blog and I'll try not to fill it with videogame-related nonsense :)
I will also be updating here more regularly as I am making a big push to working from home on my projects and do hope to one day go fully independant! (yikes!)

Manga recommend

2006-04-28T22:55:00.000Z

Just wanted to mention a new series of manga volumes: Death Note. Never heard of the author or artist before, but then I'm not as much into manga as I used to be.
Picked this one up because the premise sounded interesting.

Basically it's about this straight A's college student who find this "Death Note" book belonging to a Shinigami (God of death) in which if you write the name of someone while thinking of their face, within 40 seconds they will die of a heart attack. You can also write more details of their death within 6 minutes and that will come true too. In a poor writers hands it would have degenerated into a by-the-numbers "who shall I kill this episode" book but it kept surprising me every page. Very intelligently written, muchly recommended and I'll be grabbing the rest (7 volumes out in total so far) as quick as I can.

£4.98 a volume on Amazon!

We need energy shortages to change attitudes

2006-04-27T20:59:00.000Z

There could be hosepipe bans this summer as we have so little water in our reservoirs and we will probably have to start relying on Russian-supplied gas as we run out of our own. I have no doubt there will be shortages of both in the coming years and I'm glad of it too as people have become too complacent about their use of energy and water.

When we started out as communities, both were freely abundant in nature. As communities grew larger and cities developed systems had to be created to provide clean running water. Initially there were only for those who could afford it, but over time everyone had access. Everyone knew how precious a resource it was (small numbers of reservoirs, disease from poor quality water) and made sure they only used as much as they needed.
Then electricity came along and the same process happened. There was no extravagant use as supply was limited and it was costly.

Today however people treat water and energy as unlimited resources, that they have as much as they can pay for. They run washing machines and dishwashers on full cycles with half loads, they leave electrical equipment in "standby mode" draining power all night long, boil full kettles for one cup of tea etc. They've become a throwaway resource like most other things.

If there is a squeeze on water and gas/electric then perhaps people will start to look at how they use and indeed waste it and might start to change their behaviour. Or are they more likely to just get angry at the providers for not giving them what they "need"?

Happy New One!

2006-01-12T21:12:00.000Z

Been a while but I have been busy. The game I've been testing is almost done and has consumed most of my time over the past few months. However I have found some time to do some art and have got a gallery online (see link to the right). The art teacher handed me a bundle of paper before the winter break and said "I want those filled by the time you come back." I think I'll have 3 out of 14 filled, which is actually quite good for me!

Also doing art at work - they have started a training course two evenings a week and I was lucky enough to be accepted onto it. The first week is done and it was a basic model just to get us used to 3D Studio Max and the basics of low poly modelling. A bit frustrating at first - the hardest things for me were visualising how to get to where I needed to be from the boxes on the screen (where do I need to cut/extrude/chamfer/move/weld to make that shape) and getting the correct order of actions. Several times I went into too much detail early on which left me with a headache trying to do simple actions with all the edges and vertices all over the place. Very interesting though and have learned a lot in a short space of time.

Finding the time

2005-11-15T22:17:00.000Z

Time is like those nice chocolate cornflake biscuits you get from M&S in big tubs. You always think you've got plenty and then before you know it you're out.

Not just referring to finding time to update a blog. A blog for goodness sake! Takes what, 10 minutes to log on, spout some crap and then log off? Not just this place but time to do other things. Hobbies outside of work. Socialising. Housework! Particularly if you aren't a self-motivated person.

I *can* motivate myself at times, but find I can never sustain it. Even when I set small achievable goals week-on-week (as is suggested you do) I lose focus after a week or too. This really annoys me.

When I was at Uni I could focus on work, lectures, studying, essays etc for months on end and I actually enjoyed it. True, it was within a framework that was delivering you tasks and pushed you forward, but I feel I've lost a lot of the impetus to do work.

I want to do my own hobbies and work on games at home (hopefully with a view to striking out on my own) but I feel that I spend 8 hours a day at work staring at a PC screen and don't want to do the same at home. I've taken up life drawing classes which I enjoy, but unfortunately I'm not one of those who draws for pleasure. Yes I enjoy the final results but the actual drawing is *work* to me, because I'm a perfectionist who has to get things *right*. I want to improve my drawing, but as with games when I get home at night and at weekends I don't want to have to do yet more *work* when I need to relax.

Ideally my artwork and games would be my work. So maybe I need to leave work to do the work I actually want to do. And then in my spare time I could actually relax properly. Hmm, then again I still need to pay the mortgage...

The things that make you happy

2005-09-25T16:08:00.000Z

This one is going to be full of "life" stuff, so if you can't stand that crap I'd recommend avoiding blogs totally :)

Was on a bit of a downer today for various reasons. Was on my way home going through a local park when I had a "pull" to go into the restaurant. I ignored it then walked most of the way home.

Then I thought to myself "ahh bugger it" - went back, got myself a coffee and walnut cake and an orange juice. Got some nice smiles from the girls working there and on the way back I got caught in a warm shower of rain. By the time I got home I was happy again.

Doesn't change my situation but it's cool when things like that happen.

Oh and yes, I haven't posted in fages, but then again no-one is reading this so who cares? :D

"Stuck in my windpipe"

2005-06-30T19:55:00.000Z

Ice cream cones are always disappointing.

It's like having your dessert first then having to endure a steak and chips. I am of course talking about the cone itself. Of course you have to have something to hold the ice-cream part, and it's the untimate in environmental friendliness, but after a gorgeous double cone with flake and raspberry sauce there is always the dreary and tasteless wafer bit to finish off.

I think they should spice up the cone part. They should try and flavour them a bit - or have double-layered cones with caramel or (even more) raspberry sauce in the middle. Or how about making them out of flavoured crystallised sugar - imagine having these transparent cones! You could see the ice-cream melting inside and then crunch away on what was essentially a hard-boiled sweet.

Yeah, much better! But don't even get me started on lollipops - I always get splinters stuck in my windpipe. Those sticks are just dangerous...

2005-06-23T19:41:00.000Z

How to make your dog hate you:

Dignity? What dignity, I'm an animal like you!

And why I love cats:

I'll eat your neck in a few years.

"Knap my flint"

2005-06-20T21:15:00.000Z

I love Time Team on Channel 4. Archaeology is fantastic and really interesting but it has always really annoyed me at the ridiculous time limit they impose on themselves.

For those unaware, they find a promising site to excavate and give themselves 3 days to do it. Yup, 3 days. They are always hurrying up the digging, quickly putting in test trenches at the last minute "hoping to identify" some feature.

Why? Give yourself a week at least! What is the point in having an archaeological expedition and only giving yourself 30 hours of daylight? If that! They have found some excellent sites in their time but they are so very often annoyed that they ran out of time at the end and didn't have the time to explore further to pin down some evidence.

GIVE YOURSELVES TIME, TEAM!

Sorry. That was really bad wasn't it...

"Why don't YOU sing it you lazy f..."

2005-06-09T18:04:00.000Z

Recently caught some of the Coldplay mini-concert recordings on Radio 1 and was once again incensed by the most annoying thing any live singer can do.

Robbie Williams is more guilty than most of doing it. During a song the singer will suddenly stop singing, hold the microphone out to the audience (like that's actually going to work, twat) and force them to sing the tune, lest there be a period of uncomfortable silence. Then they take the microphone back and (depending on the song) this stop-start contrivance continues for the rest of the piece and beyond.

All I can say is: "I PAID to come in here and see and hear YOU sing your fecking songs with YOUR voice, not some tuneless, half-drunk, half-remembered version bellowed in my fecking ear by some idiot who thinks that if he sings it loud enough the singer will notice and invite him up on stage or something!"

Thanks :)

"Apnience"

2005-05-31T22:27:00.000Z

I've coined a new term:

APNIENCE (n) the feeling of irritation when, despite knowing you have tasks in hand, you seem to unconsciously fill in time doing insignificant and/or irrelevant actions.

Myself I've been feeling very apnient lately. I know I've got many things I should be doing: to the house, to the garden, to my career etc and I know how important they all are yet I seem to waste hours browsing the web or reading magazines. What I need is a swift kick up the arse - someone to push me to do these things when I think of them instead of writing lists of things "to do" and then ignoring them.

Yours apniently, theworm.

First post!

2005-05-09T21:51:00.000Z

Hello everyone and welcome to my BLOG!

This promises to be a mix of ranting, videogames, films and which celebrity women look ugly today. But then again it is *me* doing this, so you never know what you'll get!

First link! - http://www.hungryblackbird.com - my very own web page dedicated to my games in development and a bit of fun while we're at it.
I'll add this to the side bar when I've worked out how.

First rant - feeling like you've wasted a day by spending it wondering what you could actually be doing. AARGH!

Yeah, I know, I'll post something good soon,
Bye!